Nation shocked to learn that Dr. Seuss wasn’t a real physician…

Americans awoke to yet another earthshattering controversy that threatens to undo our entire society.

People were shocked to learn today that Dr. Seuss was not, in fact, a medical doctor.

“I don’t think he even had a Ph.D. I mean, c’mon’, man! What’s that even about?” said President Biden as he skimmed through his personal copy of The Cat In The Hat.

“I believe it’s important that people be honest and upfront about their credentials and educational background. Mr. Seuss clearly lived a lie. Unlike Dr. Jill Biden, who is a very real medical doctor,” said Chuck Schumer while standing watch over a burning pile of copies of Horton Hears A Who in front of the Capitol rotunda.

When asked for comment on the latest cancel culture controversy, Donald Trump was quick to remind everyone that he was, in fact, a Doctor of Super-Business as he showed off his diploma from Trump University.