Biden’s cognitive test results have arrived and they’re worse than you think

Biden can no longer hide behind that perfectly dentured smile. The long-awaited results from his mental cognition tests have arrived.

The Biden administration did not comply with former White House physician, Ronny Jackson, who demanded the results be publicly available online for the American people.

But an informer from the testing institution agreed to share the results with our team under the condition of complete anonymity.

“The results are bad, like really really bad.” He said. “I cannot, with a good moral conscience, keep this data to myself. The American public needs to know the truth.”

The informer, who we will call Tony, pulled out a chart from his briefcase. 

“This is a dotted chart representing average Intelligence Quotient distribution. This line here,” he said while pointing to the x-axis, “represents different age groups. Now we couldn’t even mark Biden’s results because they’re off the scale, and this chart starts at 12 years of age.”

Tony reached for another chart. “We tried zooming out beyond 12 years of age, but we still couldn’t include him in the distribution. Then we tried changing the reference variable, and finally found him.”

With a shaking hand, Tony hesitantly reached for a third chart. “We changed the x-axis from an age series to a species series.” He ran his finger along the x-axis towards the left. “As you can see, we’re rapidly descending down the food chain. I’ll stop when we reach Biden.”

Tony’s finger slid across the chart for a few seconds and then finally stopped. “Here is where we end up, slightly past an Australian Spotted Herring.” 

Tony put the chart down and placed his head into his hands.

“We’ve entrusted the stability of the entire free world to a fish!”

Marcus Scaeva