All federal employees legally change their names to “that guy over there” to help Biden

A White House insider has revealed to CNN that every federal employee has legally changed their name to “that guy over there” to help lessen President Biden’s confusion during press conferences.

“The president can’t be wrong if we all go by the same name. It’s genius, really,” said mailroom employee Tim McMasters That Guy Over There. “This should definitely get the media off his back.”

That Guy Over There also chimed in while chatting with That Guy Over There, saying, “we’re looking at doing this across the board. Like, the whole country. You want a stimulus check? BAM! You’re That Guy Over There now. Filing for social security benefits? Congratulations – you’re That Guy Over There. I really think it will unify the country.”

But not everyone is happy with the change. Top ranking White House speechwriter That Guy Over There reportedly raised concerns with the naming convention: “So how are we supposed to know when he’s actually drifting off track or is simply reading from the teleprompter? That was the biggest concern I had when I discussed that with That Guy Over There.”

One administration employee, on the condition of anonymity, said that there were rumors Vice President Harris had changed her name to Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. “It’s not like he would notice,” quipped the unnamed and totally unknown tipster.