December 25, 2024

The Daily Mimic

Satire of the utmost quality and absurdity

Andrew Cuomo threatens to kill more senior citizens if not promoted to president

Andrew Cuomo angrily reciting lines from The Godfather (Politico)

New York Governor Andrew Cuomo made a shocking threat during a press conference on Wednesday.

According to eyewitnesses and terrified journalists, Fredo’s brother claimed that he would kill an additional 15,000 senior citizens if he wasn’t promoted to president of the United States immediately.

“Everyone here knows I have the power to do it. I’ve done it before! Nothing can stop me on my journey to greatness, and grandmothers all across New York will pay the price for your insolence,” Cuomo screamed at the frightened reporters.

Cuomo’s staffers were unable to convince the governor that his grandstanding wouldn’t work. But the DNC issued a statement fully supporting Cuomo and blaming the impending doom of New York’s elderly on Donald Trump.