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- Democrats Mandate Walking in Response to Rising Gas Prices
- 2021 Grammarly Insights Reveal “Unprecedented” is still the Most Popular Adjective Since the Pandemic
- Wake up woke with this new leftist alarm clock!
- Facebook reveals plans to authenticate user identities with nude selfies
- Democrats task Sesame Street with simplifying the definition of Critical Race Theory
- Biden’s cognitive test results have arrived and they’re worse than you think
- Fauci says embryos as young as 3 weeks old should be wearing face masks
- LinkedIn user causes global outage after setting pronoun preference to “He/Her”
- Ice cream brand Rainbow Scoop slammed for not being inclusive enough
- SCOTUS welcomes mysterious replacement for Breyer
- Biden recites the alphabet to prove his cognitive abilities
- As violent crime surges, AOC calls for fewer police
- Quiz Time! Are you racist? Probably…
- As mask mandates go away, Karens worry about losing newfound power
- Mysterious immigrant Donaldo Trumpador crosses US border and promises revolution
- Major cities wish there was some sort of enforcement gang to reduce surging crime rates
- 90s sitcom audience set to follow Harris to make her laughter during interviews less awkward
- Democrats worried dead people’s voting rights could be suppressed
- Trump to create social media platform where white people argue over fake news
- The White House debuts state-of-the-art upgrade to Air Force One
- Biden finally agrees to press conference, but only if asked questions by The Muppets
- Party that feared Trump would use the military to keep power happily keeps troops in DC
- All federal employees legally change their names to “that guy over there” to help Biden
- Fauci worried that vaccination efforts might wipe out Covid
- Nation shocked to learn that Dr. Seuss wasn’t a real physician…
- Wrath of God falls on CPAC for worshipping golden Trump idol
- BREAKING: The sky is…falling?
- Biden unveils “Kages For Kids” program aimed at fixing immigration crisis
- Ted Cruz apologizes for abandoning Texans by giving everyone a postcard from Cancun
- After just one day, NASA’s new rover finds ancient life on Mars
- Facebook: “We’ve removed Australia because it goes against our community standards”
- Andrew Cuomo threatens to kill more senior citizens if not promoted to president
- Elon Musk encourages Texans to stay warm by getting baked
- John Kerry paints his private jet green in an effort to combat global warming
- Trump declares Mar-a-Lago autonomous zone. Appoints himself “President of the President of the United States”
- Biden buys fleet of electric cars for the federal government. Promptly forgets where he put the keys
