Democrats Mandate Walking in Response to Rising Gas Prices

Rising gas prices are forcing Americans to make serious sacrifices. For some, this just means the forgoing of recreational luxuries. But for others, the consequences are a lot more dire.

“Yeah, times are pretty tough,” said 38-year-old David from Manhattan as he sipped a mug of his urine. “I can’t afford the gas I need to get to the shops.”

Rosa from Seattle has also been forced to downsize her essential needs.

“To pay for gas, we’ve stopped using electricity. Candles are expensive too so my family and I just sit in the darkness holding each other after sunset” Rosa said.

This fuel supply crisis further taints the Biden administration’s already blemished reputation for the supply chain management.

But what might appear to many like the wreckage caused by a toddler behind the wheel of a semi-trailer, to visionaries like President Biden, this problem is an opportunity to further progress the nation.

Biden announced his brilliant plan live on CNN on Tuesday.

“I say this and you say that but who knows? Only the people, and you’re always listening. That’s why you’ll never be my nephew.” President Biden said from the oval office.

Press secretary, Jen Psaki, explained the President’s directive in a press conference later that day.

“What the President meant to say is that this is an incredible opportunity to solve both our climate crisis and our obesity crisis. So as of next month, a new mandate will be put into effect, enforcing walking in replacement of all gas-powered transportation.”

Fauci tweeted his supporting health advice in response to the announcement.

“Make sure you guys’ only walk at night to avoid the harmful Vitamin D rays of the sun!”

Marcus Scaeva