Fauci says embryos as young as 3 weeks old should be wearing face masks

Fauci has delivered another update regarding his face mask recommendations. In light of the expeditious spread of the delta variant, the White House medical adviser has pushed back the minimal age of mandatory mask-wearing from 3 years to 3 weeks.

When asked by a Daily Mimic reporter about the risk of being infected by an unborn child, Fauci said they were just as much a disease vector as adults.

“Listen carefully, because I’m sick and tired of repeating myself,” Fauci Said “We know that the Coronavirus is spread through coughing. Everyone coughs! Adults cough, toddlers cough, and science has recently discovered that embryos cough too, quite violently actually, when the amniotic fluid goes down the wrong tube!”

Applying a mask on such a delicate host is not easy. Several options have been proposed and are currently under review.

Doctor Jemma Wilkins, surgeon-in-chief at Buchanan General Hospital in Virginia, demonstrated to us the procedure that will most likely be elected.

“So this first thing you do is stretch the tiny mask across the tiny prongs like so,” Jemma said while squinting heavily. “You need to be very careful because the little sucker often flings out of the tool.” 

Jemma bit her tongue as she continued to wrestle with the apparatus. 

After an agonizing 30 minutes, our team finally exited the hospital leaving Jemma on her hands and knees searching for the lost little mask.

Marcus Scaeva