December 25, 2024

The Daily Mimic

Satire of the utmost quality and absurdity

LinkedIn user causes global outage after setting pronoun preference to “He/Her”

Mechanical Engineer, Bruce Dwyer, caused LinkedIn’s servers to catastrophically overheat after setting his pronoun preference to ‘He/Her.’

LinkedIn technicians worked frantically to remedy the system error, finally bringing the platform back online after a 10-hour outage.

LinkedIn CEO, Ryan Roslansky, apologized to the professional network’s 756 million users for the disruption.

“Very sorry for the unexpected outage.” Ryan wrote in a LinkedIn post. “Our systems, like all of nature’s systems, can only operate within a logical framework. When you inject illogical commands into such a perfect ecosystem, everything breaks.”

Bruce was very apologetic for the trouble he caused. “It was an accident,” he said. “I was trying to get that green ring around my profile, you know, the one that says you’re open to work. Now I have no chance of getting hired!”

The LinkedIn community voiced their outrage at Bruce’s mockery of progressive pronouns.

“Pronoun preferences are not a joke!” Andrea Furgeson, Chief Diversity Officer at Boss Girl Marketing, wrote in a LinkedIn post. “They offer a broader range of identity options for those that don’t align with their biological category. You can’t mix and match different combinations, that’s just stupid!”