December 25, 2024

The Daily Mimic

Satire of the utmost quality and absurdity

Major cities wish there was some sort of enforcement gang to reduce surging crime rates

Some of the largest cities in the US are perplexed as to why they can’t seem to keep violent crime under control.

Crime has suddenly surged in major cities across the country, and officials are at a loss as to what to do. “I don’t understand it. It’s like criminals think they can do whatever they want and not face any consequences,” said the Mayor of Minneapolis, straining to talk over the distant sound of gunfire and rioting.

“Carjacking has become a local pastime now. That’s how bad it is,” said Chicago Mayor Lightfoot. “I don’t get it. Is there no one who can stop this?”

Officials have proposed creating local squads of armed individuals, enforcers of the law if you will. But so far, lawmakers aren’t sure how that would work. “Do we give them the power of the state to enforce the laws and stop criminals? I mean, we may even have to arm them with guns and give them the ability to detain people who commit serious crimes,” said Portland Mayor Wheeler among smoke and fire from Antifa demonstrations outside city hall.

It’s a novel idea and could change the way American metropolises deal with rising crime. At this point, the problem is so bad that it’s worth trying anything, even an idea as crazy as creating roving gangs of law enforcers to keep the peace.

3 thoughts on “Major cities wish there was some sort of enforcement gang to reduce surging crime rates

  1. Take the damn bullet out of your pocket and use it. IMPLEMENT CAPITAL PUNISHMENT and use it. How are these criminals getting ammo to shoot up the cities? Catch and release only works for bass fishing get the damn communist out of public office. I would not plan on detaining criminals that are shooting at me, they may get return fire. It is going to be a long dark four years with the communist at the helm.

  2. Do these mayors not understand the Law of Cause and Effect??? Take away the obvious sight of police and you are going to get people committing crime! Just a plain IDIOCY!

  3. I thought this article was written by The Onion. “I don’t get it. Is there no one who can stop this?” Um, yeah: you. that’s your job. If you won’t do your job and let the police do theirs, you should step down at once and allow the office to be held by someone who can and will.

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