December 25, 2024

The Daily Mimic

Satire of the utmost quality and absurdity

Biden buys fleet of electric cars for the federal government. Promptly forgets where he put the keys

This is a test

Joe Biden in deep thought as he tries to remember if he left the White House oven on (CBS News)

“C’mon, man! I just had ’em…”

The White House is scrambling after President Biden reportedly lost the keys to every single electric vehicle he purchased for the federal government.

“I don’t understand how it happened,” said White House staffer Jeff Simpleton. “He literally had them in his pocket before nap time.”

Biden had ordered the purchase of the new fleet of EVs to help cut down on carbon emissions at the federal level. But White House insiders said the president was surprised to find out that the Chevy Bolts weren’t “that car from Back To The Future.”

After the fleet was delivered, Biden planned to take every single car for a test drive around DC. But the massive bundle of keys he attached to his Life Alert button vanished shortly thereafter.

“C’mon, man! I just had ’em,” Biden could be heard yelling as he tore apart the Oval Office.

At one point, the president thought he had found the missing keyfobs, but it turned out to be the keys to the immigrant cages he lost during the Obama administration.

“We’ll take him for a walk around the Lincoln Memorial. The fresh air will do him some good. Then we’re confident he’ll remember what he did with those keys,” quipped Simpleton as Biden carried on a conversation with a portrait of FDR in the background.

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