Ted Cruz apologizes for abandoning Texans by giving everyone a postcard from Cancun

Senator Ted Cruz embarked on an official apology tour across Texas after getting caught trying to flee the state during a massive winter storm.

“I did what I thought any wealthy and well-connected DC politician would do during a crisis in their home state: I went to the beach,” said Cruz while still wearing a floral print shirt, flip flops, and reeking of tequila.

After receiving criticism for taking his family to Cancun while fellow Texans literally froze to death during a record-breaking blizzard, Cruz decided to cancel the trip and return to the Lone Star State.

But not before stopping at Cancun International Airport and buying 29 million postcards for Texas residents.

“The least I can do is bring back some souvenirs. No one likes to be left out during these sort of things.”

Cruz apologized to his constituents as he handed out the postcards: “Sorry. Next time, we’ll just go to Disney World.”