Trump to create social media platform where white people argue over fake news
In a push to return to the public spotlight, Donald Trump announced plans to create his own social media platform within the next few months.
“It’s gonna be yuge. Everyone is already talking about it. They’re talking about it and I haven’t even announced it yet. Listen, this is going to be a place where true patriots can freely discuss and exchange ideas without fear of censorship from Big Tech,” said Trump from the 9th hole of his Mar-a-Lago club in Palm Beach.
MAGA supporters are already excited over the prospect of a new platform where they can post and yell about fake news articles and satire pieces as if they’re real news.
“This really is a step in the right direction. I was chatting with my son about how Putin challenged Joe Biden to a stair-climbing contest. We need to bring attention to real stories like that. Biden has ruined our standing around the world,” said 63-year-old Silas Obadiah of Texarkana.
While the new Trump social media site will encourage free speech, it will come with a few rules. For example, users are required to shout down anyone posting anything remotely moderate or reasonable. “We can’t have liberals ruining everything. We have to stand up for what we believe in – unwavering ideology, suspicion of anything that was created after 1985, and unquenchable anger,” shouted Agnes Reynolds, a local organist for the Nashville Independent Free Will Baptist Temple of Pentecostal Holiness Church.
“My daddy was MAGA long before Trump came on the scene,” said Ricky Thomas John James of Rocky Mount, North Carolina as he paused to light up a cigarette while hanging out at the local Sheetz. “Trump really knows how to rally the common man. You know, folks who work hard for everything they got,” quipped the camo-clad 28-year-old as he hopped into his dog-squat Chevy Silverado paid for by his father and second stepmother.
Advertisers for Life Alert, Metamucil, Viagra, Smith and Wesson, OBX, Sons of Confederate Veterans, Yeti, Zebco, IcyHot, Crocs, John Deere, Super Poligrip, Mossy Oak, and Chevrolet are already gearing up to make millions on the new platform.
